The Wishing Skull
by Nameless dude
Summary: When an ancient, mystical, and wish-granting skull enters into the Konoha village, by the carelessness of a certain young boy, the lives of many of its notable ninja become entangled in the chaos of the skull's contradicting wishes!
1. The Wishing Skull

**Hey everyone, this story was inspired by **_**The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy**_** episode, "Wishbones", which, in my opinion, is a very, very, funny episode. For those of you familiar with the episode, hopefully you'll find the same humor in this story that I found on the episode, and for those of you who aren't…well, just read it and see if you'll like it. **

**THE WISHING SKULL**

"Thromnambular. An ancient ornament of chaos forever cursed to dwell in the earth until it relinquishes the last of its mystical powers by the acts of nine wishes. Forged in the form of a human skull, Thromnambular is a deceitful entity who seeks only the destruction of those beings who dare to manipulate his power for their own desires…which is why I always keep him cooped up in my office." The Third Hokage pointed to a skull, sitting on a windowsill, behind his office desk, that possessed rubies as makeshift eyes and a tattooed "9" mark on its forehead.

He then smiled as he looked on at his bored grandson, who sat, legs crossed, on the carpet, in the middle of his office, "I've heard this story a million times, old man! If you don't want to give me the money for an iPad, which I know you have, then just tell me! I don't need to hear you try and change the subject every time I ask, anyway!" Konohamaru grumbled.

"I knew you'd break one of these days." The Third Hokage replied with a grin before turning his attention to his wristwatch, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to my doctor's appointment now. You can stay in my office, for a little while, till Ebisu comes and picks you up for your daily training, but whatever you do…"

"…don't touch Thromnambular." Konohamaru finished his grandfather's words with a roll of his eyes, annoyed at the same warning he received almost everyday.

The Third Hokage nodded and took a puff of his pipe, as he walked towards his office door, mumbling under his breath, "700 dollars for a useless hunk of machinery? Yeah right."

Konohamaru sighed as he found himself alone in his grandfather's office with nothing to do. Standing himself up on his feet, Konohamaru strolled leisurely around his grandfather's office, poking, prodding, and toying with useless objects, within his reach, until he approached the skull Thromnambular. It was then that Konohamaru found himself enthralled with a new sense of curiosity that he had never previously considered over the skull before, especially since he had seen it many a time and never even thought of fondling with it, unlike most of his grandfather's belongings.

"Remember…don't touch Thromnambular." Konohamaru repeated his grandfather's voice, mockingly, before picking up Thromnambular, "You don't look as bad as the old man, says you are." He sneered.

"I assure you that my countenance is not one that you should fear, but rather the abilities that I possess with flawless premier." Thromnambular replied, causing Konohamaru to gasp, in surprise, but not drop the skull, from his hands, "Y-you can talk?" Konohamaru asked.

"That is correct my young lad, now do the honor and allow me to grant a wish to make you glad: a dog, a bike, perhaps even an overheard iPad?" Thromnambular asked with a sly grin.

Konohamaru bit his lip as he considered the possibilities that he could awaken with Thromnambular's power, "Mmmm…nah, I could always get an iPad, for free, from the hokage-worshiping idiots down at the konoha Apple Store, now that I think about it. Besides, if what gramps says about you is true, then you'll use any wish of mine to try and kill me, right!?"

Thromnambular found himself speechless, "Uh…well-"

"Well here's what I got to say to that!" Konohamaru interrupted before suddenly dropping Thromnambular. However, before the skull could hit the ground, Konohamaru intercepted Thromnambular, with his foot, and skillfully began a series of juggling kicks that resembled a soccer player with a ball. "There he goes showing off mad skills with the evil skull, folks..." Konohamaru imitated a commentator, during his play, "...how long can he keep this up? Maybe he should go for the goal...maybe...maybe...THERE!" He yelled as he unleashed a forceful kick onto Thromnambular's cranium, sending the skull, unintentionally, out the open window of his grandfather's office, and into the open public.

"Uh oh..." Konohamaru uttered, solemnly, as he realized what he had just done. Pausing, for a moment, to consider the possible consequences of the happenstance, an epiphany suddenly struck Konohamaru and caused him to ease up and shrug casually, "...hey, if anything happens, I'll just blame Ebisu."

Naruto, meanwhile, had been walking casually, outside, in the streets of konoha when he felt a hard object land squarely on the top of his head, "Ouch, what the crap!?" Naruto yelled as he rubbed his sore head. Looking down at his feet, he saw the strange object responsible for his pain and picked it up with his right hand, "What kind of a weird skull is this?" He asked himself while staring at the mysterious face of Thromnambular.

"My name is Thromnambular, key to all the materials things that you seek. Just make a request, in the form of wish, and life shall be ever so sweet!" Thromnambular spoke in Naruto's hand.

Naruto jolted, "Whoa, a talking skull that can grant wishes? Something tells me that this could mean trouble. I wonder what Kakashi-sensei would say...?"

(DREAM SITUATION)

Kakashi, preoccupied with reading another book, was sitting atop a medium-sized rock, stuck in the earth, amidst a bamboo forest, when an anxious Naruto ran up to him from nowhere, "Kakashi-sensei, can I ask you a question?"

A deeply concentrating Kakashi didn't even look up from his book, "Is it about what happens next, in the triangle relationship, between a teenage girl, a vampire, and a werewolf?"

"Uh...no." Naruto replied.

"Then this conversation is over." Kakashi responded.

(END OF DREAM SITUATION)

Naruto wrinkled his nose, "Mmm...maybe the perverted sage, might have something better."

(DREAM SITUATION)

Jiraiya gulped down the last of his sake before looking Naruto straight in the eye, as they sat across each other at a table, in the middle of a bar, "Look kid, when you're 18, you'll be thrown in jail. So right now, do all the stupid stuff you want." Jiraiya grinned.

(END OF DREAM SITUATION)

Naruto shrugged "Hey, works for me!"

**VICTIM ONE: NARUTO**

"Hmm…let's see here…" Naruto pondered inside the ramen shop, slurping down noodles while Thromnambular sat, nearby on the counter, just at the end of his elbow, "…oh yeah! I want to be the hokage!" Naruto squealed with joy.

"Your wish is my command. You chose to be the hokage, the strongest in the land; now enjoy your new life, OLD MAN!" Thromnambular yelled as his ruby-eyes glowed and the tattoo mark on his forehead shifted to a number 8.

Naruto, however, could feel his body, and the area around him, shift in both form and texture. Soon, he found himself seated atop a hospital bed, in a small room, adorned in the clothes of the Third Hokage, as well as his age, "What the crap!?" Naruto yelled, "This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted to be hokage! I wanted to be the _next _hokage not the incarnation of the third!"

The door to the room suddenly opened and a ninja doctor, accompanied by a nurse, entered the room carrying a brown clipboard, "Well, revered Third Hokage, the results of last week's test have returned and it comes to say that you are diagnosed with severe lung cancer. Apparently all that pipe smoking eventually caught up with you."

"WHAT!!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs, "I CAN'T HAVE LUNG CANCER! I'M TOO YOUNG; THERE'S BEEN AN EXTREME MIXUP!! SOME WISHING SKULL TRICKED ME! THERE'S STILL SO MANY THINGS I HAVE TO DO!!"

The ninja doctor made a hissing noise as he sucked in air through his teeth, "Oh, I'm afraid that all that is impossible, Lord Hokage. You see, due to the extremity of your recently diagnosed lung cancer, you have approximately only four minutes to live. Oh, _three_, now counting." The ninja doctor replied as he looked on at his wristwatch.

"WHAAAT!!" Naruto continued his exclamations, "THERE'S NO WAY!! I-I-I JUST CAN'T—I-I-I HAVE TO—HOKAGE!! BELIEVE IT!! BELIEVE IT!! BELIE-" The words were cut short when Naruto, suddenly, took a wheezy gasp of air and then collapsed backwards, on the hospital bed, dead.

"Whoops, should've warned him that screaming only speeds up the process." The doctor spoke.

Thromnambular, however, was still within the ramen shop when Sakura strolled in and noticed the skull, off-head, "Hey…this thing has some really pretty eyes." She cooed as she took a closer observation of Thromnambular's ruby eyes, "Hey chef, does this belong to you?"

The ramen chef shook his head, "Nope. But I could have known that I saw Naruto sitting beside it a couple of minutes ago."

Sakura shrugged, "Well, if it belongs to Naruto, then I'm sure he won't mind me borrowing it."

**VICTIM TWO: SAKURA**

Sakura hummed as she carried Thromnambular in her arms while walking down the streets of Konoha. She had just barely crossed a corner when she heard the annoying sound of a familiar voice stop her mid-stride, "Ugh. Don't tell me you're planning on giving that ugly thing you're carrying as a gift to Sasuke for his birthday!" Ino cried as she approached Sakura from a random direction.

"Birthday? Oh my, I can't believe that I actually forgot!" Sakura gasped.

Ino grinned, "Well, well, what can I say, Sakura? Sometimes ya win, and sometimes—billboard brow—you lose."

Sakura scowled, "Oh? Just what did you get Sasuke for his birthday anyway?"

"Oh nothing, nothing…just a couple of video games, some chocolate, and the biggest image of Sasuke's portrait tattooed on my back! I even paid extra just to make sure that the tattoo artist sunk the drawing needle deep into my _actual_ flesh; that way, the tattoo can_ really_ never come off, even with laser remover or skinning! Sure, the six hours of pain that I went through were a complete and utter living hell, but I know that Sasuke will appreciate it when I show it to him. Especially considering the tattoo artist's warning that I might die from excessive ink poisoning in four days. But with gifts as good as I'm giving him, who cares!" Ino replied with a smile.

Sakura felt her heart sink and sulked away while Ino taunted and laughed at her from behind. "How could I possibly compete with that…?" Sakura spoke to herself with a sigh, "…and she's just one girl, I couldn't imagine all the others, in the leaf village, who have went out their way to give Sasuke an extraordinary birthday present today."

"So…it is a mere boy that has you senselessly swooning like a living toy." Thromnambular spoke out of the blue, startling Sakura,

"Y-You talked!?" She shrieked as she dropped Thromnambular on the ground.

"Yes, yes…I am quite an enigma, but I promise…through me, you can end your social stigma!" Thromnambular bellowed.

Sakura gasped, "Can you get Sasuke to be in love with me as I'm in love with him? That way, it won't ever matter what gifts the other girls may give him, he'll just only appreciate me!"

Thromnambular chortled, "Yes, a simple task to dub. Prepare yourself, young girl, and enjoy your new love!"

At that Thromnambular's eyes began glowing once again and the tattoo marked "8" on his forehead shifted to a "7".

"SAKURA!!" A running Sasuke yelled from a far distance. Sakura, smiling, quickly picked up Thromnambular and shoved him in her blouse as she prepared to meet Sasuke.

"Sakura…" Sasuke panted as he now stood face to face with the young kunoichi, "…Sakura, there's something that has just overtaken me. Something…so overpowering that it almost feels unreal." He then stared into Sakura's eyes passionately and wrapped one of his hands around one of Sakura's, "Sakura…I think I love you."

An astonished Sakura didn't know what to say and, caught in the moment, just fell completely into Sasuke's arms.

"WHAT THE CRAP IS ALL THIS!" Ino yelled as she, along with a troop of other village girls, came, unexpectedly, upon the scene, "Sasuke…what are you doing with billboard brow, there? She didn't even know that it was birthday!"

"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled, "This is my true love. All of you can now, officially, stop your worthless attempts to win my love."

A speechless Ino stood in a catatonic stupor, "B-B-But…Sasuke, I spent my entire college-fund and my parent's mortgage money to buy your gifts."

Sasuke shrugged, "Hope you adjust to minimum-wage jobs and life living in the streets." He then turned his to attention to Sakura, "Come now, and let us leave this place to go my house, my love."

Sakura happily nodded and the two walked off towards Sasuke's home. "Wow Sasuke, I can't believe that I'm going to your house for the first time, ever. As a matter of fact, I don't think anybody has ever seen or been in your house." Sakura spoke.

Sasuke shrugged as both he and Sakura approached the footsteps of his house, a modest, yet outwardly attractive, two-story abode, "I never could imagine why, myself." He spoke as he opened his front door to reveal the inside of horrendously dirty and unkempt homestead that was crawling with roaches and rats. Sakura's eyes widened as she tried to comprehend what she was seeing.

"Aren't you coming in, my love?" Sasuke asked.

Sakura, for the first time, was actually apprehensive to accept an offer from Sasuke, "S-Sure, Sasuke." She stammered, and then took her first step onto the moldy carpet within Sasuke's house. Sasuke shut the door behind them after Sakura had fully walked in, "Want something to eat?" He asked.

Sakura placed a fake smile on her face then reluctantly nodded. Sasuke, smiling back, then looked at his carpet floor and spotted a huge rat in the corner, he quickly pulled out a kunai knife from his pocket and flung it at the rat, hitting it squarely in the body before walking over to its carcass and picking it up by the kunai knife stuck in its flesh. Sakura, already disgusted by Sasuke's two previous actions, was further repulsed as she watched Sasuke use his fire breath to instantly barbeque the rat.

"Here you go." Sasuke smiled at Sakura while handing her the barbequed rat.

"Oh, no thanks Sasuke, I'm not really hungry anymore." She nervously chuckled.

"Whatever." Sasuke shrugged then deeply bit into the barbequed rat.

Sakura wanted to throw up, but she held her resolve for a bit longer, "What do you say we sit together somewhere, Sasuke."

Sasuke nodded as he swallowed the piece of rat in his mouth and then threw away the rest of its body, along with the kunai knife, "Sure, I'll take you to my bedroom."

Sakura then followed Sasuke as he led her upstairs and into an adjacent room on the first right corner. There, Sasuke plopped himself on a large, yet highly-stained, beanbag couch then belched loudly before taking off his tabi boots to display his filthy, crusty, feet, "Ahh, much better." He sighed with relief. Sakura, however, retched violently at the sight of Sasuke's feet and fell, slightly, into a dizzying spell as his feet emanated a truly offensive odor that diffused across the room.

"Make yourself at home, Sakura…" Sasuke smiled, "…cause I can only imagine what our future will be in this our home."

"Our home!?" Sakura yelled.

"Well, yeah. I mean…we do love each other right? So I planned on us getting married soon and maybe starting a family." Sasuke iterated.

"Marriage…? Kids…?" Sakura repeated with increasing anxiety.

"Yeah." Sasuke nodded.

Sakura began running her hand through her hair, frantically, as she shook her head in confusion, "I-I don't…this wasn't—" She stopped suddenly when she noticed Sasuke biting his toenails with his teeth. Sensing her pause, Sasuke looked up at Sakura, "Oh, sorry…you were saying?"

Sakura then screamed bloody murder and dashed for Sasuke's only bedroom window. Smashing her body through the glass and out into the ethereal expanse of the sky, gravity swiftly greeted the young kunoichi with a plummeting fall that spiraled her, head first, onto the hard pavement with a sickening crack of her skull.

"SAKURA!!" Sasuke yelled as he peered out his window then returned back into his home, ran down his stairs, and emerged out through his front door to meet his fallen love (no pun intended). She laid, face up, in a pool of blood surrounding her head, with the same expression of an abrupt insanity, which could only be caused by a profound trauma, engraved on her face. Sasuke felt his eyes begin to swell with tears but before he could shed a lament he noticed an obvious bulge hidden within Sakura's blouse.

Reaching in, he pulled out a strange looking skull, "What is this?"

**VICTIM THREE: SASUKE**

The curiosity over the skull made Sasuke completely forget about Sakura's corpse as he studied its face, "Doesn't look like anything made around here." He stated while rubbing his chin.

"You are correct to notice, how perceptive you are. Perhaps not everyone in this realm is a total retard!" Thromnambular spoke.

"A talking skull, huh? I take it something like you must have some kind of special abilities, right?" Sasuke asked.

Thromnambular chortled, "Correct again, young one. Just speak me your deepest desire through a flick of your tongue and I can guarantee that it shall be won."

Sasuke's eyes widened, as he didn't take time to think over a wish, "Let me kill my older brother, Itachi." He responded, without delay.

"Yes, vengeance is something that can be sweetening, but let's just hope that your life will still have meaning!" Thromnambular replied as his eyes once again glowed and the tattoo mark on his forehead shifted from a "7" to "6".

Almost immediately the scene changed to the terrain of a dark forest, where, sporadic lightening lit the black sky and deep thunder stirred the remotest parts of the earth. It was here that an intense battlefield was housed between two tireless opponents: one, none other than Sasuke, himself; the other, his hated older brother, Itachi.

"Today you die, Itachi…" Sasuke panted as he and his brother paused from battle to stand a distance apart from each other, amidst a plethora of torn shrubs and snapped trees. Itachi, however, made no reply but simply attacked his younger brother, head on, in a dash that Sasuke responded to similarly; taking off, himself, in a run that pitted the two brothers against one another in a head-on collision duel that would decide their fates.

The final strike was alluded by a spark of lightning that showed the two brothers/opponents cross each other in a flash and then quickly stop their momentum, frozen in the stances that displayed their last attack. For almost two minutes, neither of the two stirred till finally Itachi twitched feebly at his knees then collapsed to the ground, dead. Sasuke took a deep exhale as he relaxed himself and turned his body around to look onto the corpse of his older brother, "Finally…I've done it."

He felt his lips curve into a smile as his statement sunk deep into his heart, "FINALLY, I'VE KILLED MY OLDER BROTHER!!" He yelled excitedly, "MY LIFE'S SINGLE AMBITION…MY ONLY PURPOSE…MY NUMBER ONE GOAL! I'VE FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED IT! I'VE FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED IT! I'VE FINALLY…" Sasuke drifted off, in the middle of his chant, as his demeanor suddenly shifted yet again, "…accomplished it." He spoke with deep solemnity.

"Killing Itachi was my one purpose for living; the only dream I ever wanted to accomplish. But now that I've finally killed him, what else is there?" Sasuke spoke to himself, anxiously, before beginning to hyperventilate, "WHAT ELSE IS THERE!?" He yelled.

Upon returning to konoha, Thromnambular in hand, a deeply depressed Sasuke walked up to a large oak tree, laid Thromnambular, at its base, then reached his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts. Pulling out a long and braided nylon rope, Sasuke fashioned one end of the rope into a noose then climbed up the tree trunk to stand on a high, thick, branch. Tying the other end of the rope, onto the body of the branch, itself, Sasuke then proceeded to pull the noose over his head and tightened it at his neck. Taking one last look into the horizon of his native village, Sasuke sighed, "My life sucked." He finally spoke and then jumped off.

Rock Lee was yawning when he came across the oak tree that had substituted as Sasuke's personal gallows and, without even noticing the conspicuously lynched corpse of his fellow genin, as it swung from the rope on the tree branch, the young, bushy-browed, taijutsu master laid himself leisurely at its base. Underneath the shade of the oak tree's branches, Rock Lee gave a sigh of relief and closed his eyes, "Ah…life is good."

"But it could be so much better—than cars, gold, jewelry, even a Versace sweater." A mysterious voice interrupted Rock Lee's moment, alerting the young genin as he quickly sat himself up, a tad apprehensively. Sensing the nearby direction of the voice, he crawled a short, 180-degree course, around the tree's circular base and saw the bizarre skull, Thromnambular, on the other end.

**VICTIM FOUR: ROCK LEE**

"What's this?" Rock Lee asked himself while looking on at Thromnambular.

"Everything more, everything you seek…merely chant your deepest requests after you hear this entreat!" Thromnambular replied.

"Wow, I don't believe it, a skull that can rap!" Rock Lee laughed.

Thromnambular scowled, "Idiot boy, I am no music artist! Can you not speak a wish? Are you just plain retarded!?"

Rock Lee blinked, "I see. So you grant wishes _and_ rap; amazing! Well, I wish to become as strong in ninjutsu and genjutsu as my taijutsu! Then I shall be the strongest ninja in the entire leaf village!"

Thromnambular's eyes began to glow, "As you command; with all the power you shall possess, you will truly be the man, and I dare not jest!" He bawled before the tattoo on his forehead changed from a "6" to "5".

Rock Lee almost immediately felt the impacts of his wish as his body began to swell with power, "WHOA…" His voice trailed off while the muscles of his body increased in massive girth and a brightly glowing, electric blue, aura surrounded his body, "…WHOA…" He repeated once again, his teeth gritting together as the pupils in his eyes disappeared and his hair began to stand up, in similarity to when he had first opened the fifth gate, against Gaara, during the Chunin Exams.

"…I CAN FEEL THE POWER!!" Rock Lee cried then excitedly leapt, almost forty feet in the air, off one leg, in a single bound. After performing a flashy mid-air somersault, during his ascension, Rock Lee returned to the earth and caused a colossal blemish, in his surrounding terrain, from the immense power running through his body. "I…I CAN DO IT ALL, NOW!!" He laughed with great joy, clasping his hands together then motioning dozens of jutsu signs with his fingers, "SHADOW CLONE JUTSU! SHARINGAN! MANGEKYO SHARINGAN! SUMMONING JUTSU! RASENGAN! CHIDORI! BYAKUGAN! SOUL TRANSFER JUTSU! SHADOW POSSESSION JUTSU…!"

A foolishly excited Rock Lee kept on motioning and chanting different jutsus at a rapid pace, unaware of his dangerously rising chakra and inexperience at genjutsu and ninjutsu control. He finally began slowly down his motions after twenty-minutes and ended his three-hundredth jutsu sign in a huge sweat, "…AND NOW, LAST BUT NOT LEAST…THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"

At his cry, Rock Lee's body suddenly exploded and immersed the neighboring areas, around him, in a huge mushroom cloud that could be seen as far away as the sand village. The detonation, however, had spared the skull, Thromnambular, along with the tattered remains of Rock Lee's headband, by throwing them thousands of yards away into the surrounding forests, where, Neji had been busy, in vigorous training, when the two smoking objects suddenly landed beside him.

"Hey I recognize this!" Neji spoke to himself as he motioned his hand to Rock Lee's tattered headband then quickly switched it to Thromnambular; grabbing him by the top of his cranium, "You're that creepy skull thing that the third always keeps in his office. But what are you doing here?" He asked herself while rising to his feet and holding Thromnambular in his left hand.

**VICTIM FIVE: NEJI**

Thromnambular coughed up some smoke before speaking, "I can assure you sir that I am here not of my will, but may share in giving you the opportunity to experience a revolutionary thrill. Ask me a wish, anything you speak, and be amazed at the deep power in which I keep."

Neji rolled his eyes, "Yeah right, like I really need a wish; especially from a talking skull who speaks in rhyme."

"Oh but your eyes have fire, I can tell that there is something you must desire?" Thromnambular asked.

Thromnambular's statement actually made Neji consider a wish, "Hmm…well I don't really want anything too special: just for every Hyuga to recognize and appreciate my greatness as the most excellent Hyuga to exist, ever!" Neji responded.

Thromnambular chortled, "Reap what you sow, or rather… sow what you reap; maybe you'll understand this proverb from the glory you seek!" His eyes then began to glow and the number 5, on Thromnambular's forehead, changed to a 4.

As Neji witnessed the process, a swift gale of wind brought a scent of smoke to his nostrils and alerted the young genin, to the east, from whence it came. Facing the same direction where the leaf village was located, Neji noticed slender yet long palls of black smoke rising, in the distance, beyond the horizon of the surrounding trees.

"What's going in the village?" He asked himself, concernedly, before dashing off towards his home; Thromnambular still in hand.

Arriving at the gates of the leaf village, Neji noticed large amounts of villagers departing from the village in a frenzy.

"HURRY AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" A male villager screamed while running past Neji.

Neji, however, raised an eyebrow, "What on earth is he talking about: 'they're everywhere'? I swear there's something wrong with all these non-Hyugas who happen to live in this village."

With a re-boosted ego, the narcissistic genin then calmly made his way past the village gates. However, the scene inside the village was even more chaotic than what Neji had experienced, at the gates. People all over were screaming and fearfully running for the lives to evade scores of bloodthirsty revenants that had been suddenly resurrected.

Neji was shocked as he witnessed what looked like a scene, from a George Romero movie, occurring before his very eyes. One nearby revenant, a decayed and decrepit-looking corpse of a former man, paused from the brain-munching of a random victim when he noticed Neji, "HEY GUYS, TAKE FIVE; THE KID IS HERE!" He yelled in a surprisingly strong voice.

Like a signal, the rest of the revenants abruptly ended their assault on the living of the leaf village and casually approached the vicinity where Neji stood. Freaked and confused, Neji watched fearfully as the horde of revenants gathered in a concentration before him. Adrenaline now building, the genin summoned up what remained of his bravery to create a battle stance.

"Whoa, whoa, hey kid, ease up. We're family, you know?" The revenant that had originally alerted the others, spoke up.

Neji's eyebrows curled up, "Wh-what are you talking about?"

The revenant sighed, "Aw c'mon, you don't remember me? I'm your old uncle Jon, the only ninja in the leaf village with an English name? I died when you were a toddler but I returned back to life today, along with the rest of the Hyuga Clan's deceased, to commemorate your status as the greatest Hyuga to ever live!"

Neji took a sigh of relief and stood himself straight. His newfound ease reminded him that he was still gripping Thromnambular, in his left hand, and he scowled down at the skull, "Stupid thing." He sneered before chucking the skull into a distance down the street.

"Oh well…" Neji spoke while dusting his hands, "…I guess having the dead to venerate my greatness is just as good as the living."

Neji's Uncle Jon cleared his throat and walked up to his nephew, slinging his necrotic arm over Neji's shoulder, "Actually nephew…_our_ idea of commemorating you was more along the line of eating your body and going back to our graves with full, decomposed, stomachs. That way, with a part of you inside each of us, the history of the Hyuga family will become even greater than what it is now."

Neji blinked and suddenly felt a sense of uneasiness around his dead relatives, "Oh…uh, okay… y-you know, I think maybe we should discuss the pros and cons of-"

"GET HIM!" Uncle Jon yelled as the crowd of Hyuga zombies swarmed their famed descendant.

Distracted from the previous and ensuring carnage around him, Kakashi concentrated on the text of his book while strolling leisurely in the streets of konoha. However, his concentration was cut short when he felt his foot trip over a foreign object that caused him to stumble forward. But, luckily enough, the young jonin managed to catch himself, quickly, before he could lose his total balance and fall.

Quickly turning backwards, Kakashi looked down to the ground, where, he noticed the skull Thromnambular, for the first time.

**VICTIM SIX: KAKASHI**

"Interesting…" Kakashi muttered as he crouched down and picked up the skull, "…but nothing too special." He spoke lethargically before listlessly dropping the skull, standing up, and preparing to walk away.

"How can you judge a book by its cover? You didn't even look inside, and shall you compare it to dreary others?" Thromnambular asked to regain Kakashi's attention.

It worked of course; as Kakashi stopped to look over his shoulder at Thromnambular, "Well, well, well. What do we have here, a talking skull?"

"Not just any talking skull, my good man; but rather, one that can make _real_ the wishes you grant." Thromnambular retorted.

"Wishes, huh?" Kakashi muttered while rubbing his chin, "Hmm…okay, I got one. How's about you make it that this book that I'm reading will never end. That way, I won't have to buy a new one every week."

"As you command, good sir; I shall grant you the immortality you desire of your literature!" Thromnambular hollered as he underwent his usual wish-making process of glowing eyes and changing of the number tattoo on his forehead from a "4" to "3".

"Is that it?" Kakashi asked Thromnambular.

"Yes, enjoy the prosperity your new book beholds, I have a feeling that you'll be reading for generations told!" Thromnambular chortled before a stray dog rapidly appeared, out of the blue, from a street corner, and grabbed him in its mouth then ran away. Kakashi shrugged at the sight and returned back to his reading, "Wow, I never knew this would happen!" He spoke, immediately, to himself, after just barely reading a couple of words on a book page.

The young jonin then made his way in and about the leaf village, with his head still sunk in the pages of his book, as hours upon hours passed. Finally, he perched himself atop a large stone that laid en route to a Shinto Shrine, "My goodness…it gets better with every page!" He gasped as his eyes flickered intensely over the book's texts.

"There you are, Kakashi, I've been looking for you all day!" Gai shouted as he haphazardly came across the vicinity where Kakashi had been reading, "We've got a situation, Kakashi…Lee's dead, and so are your pupils, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke. I know this must be devastating news to you, because I know it was to me…"

Kakashi, however, said nothing and showed no concern, whatsoever, as his attention was still glued to his book; Gai, on the other hand, went on anyway; "…we're still trying to find the culprit responsible for this though. I don't know about you, but I've been suspecting Tenten for quite some time now. I mean…have you seen how she always looks at Neji all googily-eyed and never took one glance of amorous affection toward my precious Lee? Well I don't know about you, but that seems awfully strange to me. Now that I think about it, maybe I should send some ANBU BlackOps to make sure she has an 'accident' when she's training with Neji and avenge our beloved pupils, eh, Kakashi?"

"My goodness, that's so ingenious!" Kakashi cried, obviously referring to a page in the book.

But Gai, being the dense-headed idiot that he was, took Kakashi's words as a compliment, "I knew you'd understand, Kakashi. Catch ya later, pal." He smiled then poofed away in smoke. However, soon after his departure, a perturbed-looking Anko arrived at the scene from an unknown direction, "Kakashi, we've got to talk. Put that book down."

"Just a second." Kakashi replied quickly, "I'm at a real good part."

Anko sighed in slight frustration, "Kakashi, please, this is serious."

"Okay, okay. Just hold on, alright?" Kakashi retorted.

"I want a divorce, Kakashi. This secret marriage thing we've been doing for two weeks just isn't working out. I mean, you never call, you never pay attention to me, and you're always reading your stupid books!" Anko yelled.

"WHOA! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT!" Kakashi yelled, staring into his book.

"Yeah, I knew you always loved your precious books more than me. But guess what? I'm pregnant with your kid and you're going to have pay child support! Try reading your way out of that one, jerk!" Anko cried before slapping Kakashi across the face then poofing away, like Gai, in smoke.

Kakashi, however, ignored the severe pain, from Anko's blow, as he kept on reading, "THIS...THIS IS THE GREATEST BOOK EVER MADE! I-I CAN NEVER STOP READING IT...NOT FOR ANYTHING OR ANYONE!" He cried. Kakashi was right, as he would stay in his same position, reading his immortal book, through hunger, rain, sleet, snow, and sunshine for many days, weeks, and months to come.

(TWO YEARS LATER)

Kakashi's skeleton still sat, unmoved, with the face of his skull dug deep in the pages of his book.

(TWO YEARS BACK TO THE PRESENT)

Thromnambular found himself covered in saliva when the dog finally spit him out, inside a dark alley, at the feet of the young genin, Kiba, "Well that's a new find Akamaru." Kiba spoke while reaching down to pick up Thromnambular, "I wonder where it came from."

**VICTIM SEVEN: KIBA**

"My origins are of no importance, boy. Rather, I possess powers capable of manifesting any aspirations that will bring you joy!" Thromnambular spat, after shaking his skull clean of remaining dog saliva.

Kiba scratched his head, "So...you're like some kind of genie-thingy?"

"In a sense; although my powers carry more consequence." Thromnambular replied.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough with fancy talk, Shakespeare. One thing you have to learn about me is that I don't care about consequences. Live fast and die young, I always say." Kiba spoke with a grin.

Thromnambular rolled his eyes, "Yes, your kind I delight; foolishly brash and blind to perilous plight!" He chuckled.

Kiba raised an eyebrow, "What did you say?"

"Oh nothing that you'll comprehend. But enough chit-chat, the time for wishes is set to begin!" Thromnambular declared.

Kiba, however, paused as he took time to consider his wish while Akamaru, sitting beside his left foot, managed to bark something to the young genin, in their unique form of communication, that made Kiba smile, "That's a great idea, Akamaru!" Kiba cried and then turned his attention back to Thromnambular "Okay, I'm ready. I wish that Akamaru and me could be fused together to become the ultimate combination of master and companion!"

"In all my years, never have I seen such dear devotion towards a pet. But as you wish, it shall be granted yet!" Thromnambular yelled, initiating his ritual wish-making process of glowing eyes and changing of the tattoo on his forehead from a number 3 to 2. Kiba, on the other hand, was witnessing the whole process, firsthand, as he held Thromnambular, when a bright and blinding light emitted from Thromnambular's skull and enveloped both he and Akamaru's body.

He shut his eyes tight as the light overtook him and when he dared to reopen them, Kiba found his formerly boyish body covered in fur—with the exception of his clothes—and his ears, nose, and fingernails grossly transformed to a dog-like state, "Whoa! I don't believe it! It actually worked!" He laughed in joy while still holding Thromnambular in his clutches.

However, in the midst of his rejoicing, Kiba suddenly threw his arms up and unknowingly lost grasp of the rhyming wishing skull, thrusting Thromnambular into a nearby window with a loud shatter that Kiba still failed to hear amidst his excitement, "I guess now I should start calling myself Kibamaru…" He chuckled, "…this is so cool, and I can't wait till I show everyone in the streets!"

(TWO MINUTES LATER)

"AHH! A MUTANT!" A female villager cried at the first sight of Kibamaru in the streets.

"W-Wait, I'm not a mutant!" Kibamaru desperately tried to explain.

"QUICK EVERYONE! LET'S ACT IN A SOCIALLY-JUDGMENTAL MANNER, SPURNED BY FEAR AND IGNORANCE, AND KILL THAT THING INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO ITS INNOCENT PLEAS!" A random adult chunin yelled as he impractically managed to pull out a pitchfork and torch from his vest, earning the similar actions of the people around him.

Kibamaru then screamed as he turned to run away from the homicidal mob of former peace-loving villagers and ninja, "Man this sucks!" He panted while dashing behind a corner and racing down the next street, running past a young child holding his mother's hand, "Hey look mama, Inuyasha!" The child cried.

Kibamaru could feel the drops of sweat pour down his face, like rain, from anxiety, as he ran past another street corner; but this time, however, he spotted a familiar face, ahead of him, walking in his opposite direction on the sidewalk, "HINATA! OH, THANK GOD!" Kibamaru yelled from his distance.

Hinata, on the other hand, had been leisurely strolling down the sidewalk, holding a large shopping bag, when she was startled to suddenly see a strange, otherworldly-looking, creature quickly approach her while yelling out her name.

In hostile response, Hinata dropped her shopping bag, reached into its opening, and pulled out what it contained: a recently purchased double-barrel shotgun. Blasting her gun one time at Kibamaru, Hinata caught the creature square in the chest and blew his body back almost twelve feet, where, he limply landed at the feet of the oncoming mob.

"Whoa…you killed it!" An arbitrary voice spoke from the midst of the mob before Hinata, shyly, walked up to both the mob and Kibamaru's motionless body, "Uh, yeah…I-I hope you guys don't mind."

The adult chunin, who had started and led the mob, rubbed the back of his neck with a hint of penitence, "Oh, no-no, it's cool. It's just that—I… didn't expect it to be like this."

"Yeah…" Another male villager added, "…I almost feel bad."

"Maybe, there's a lesson to all this?" An old female villager, in the mob, asked sadly.

"That human beings always hate or destroy what they don't understand?" A teenage boy, also in the mob, replied.

Kibamaru grunted weakly as he slightly moved his body, "H-Hey, I-I'm…not…d-dead."

"AHHH! IT'S STILL ALIVE! QUICK, KILL IT, KILL IT!!" The adult chunin yelled, in fear, before he, Hinata, and the rest of the mob began stabbing and shooting Kibamaru's body with pitchforks and a shotgun, respectively.

Thromnambular, however, found himself a tad dizzy after crashing through the house window. But luckily, he managed to land on a soft, living room, sofa inside the unknown house. However, shortly after his abrupt arrival, he heard the male voice and footsteps of one of the house's inhabitants as the mysterious person made their way toward his area.

"It's alright, mom, I'll check it out!" Shikamaru yelled as he approached his living room from his house hallway, "Probably just a little bunch of little brats playing baseball again." He spoke to himself while entering his living room.

The first thing Shikamaru noticed, naturally, was the broken window, but he was surprised to observe that it displayed a larger cracked hole than a baseball could logically make. Glancing around the room, suspiciously, a certain object caught Shikamaru's eyes halfway through his search, "So you're the culprit." He spoke in usual sardonic tone while walking over to the living room sofa and picking up the skull, Thromnambular, among shattered pieces of glass.

**VICTIM EIGHT: SHIKAMARU**

"Indeed. For, you see, it is now down to you and down to me. Just two more wishes, and I shall be set free!" Thromnambular grinned.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Talking skull? Wishes? Freedom? Broken window? Hmm…hold on a sec, I think I can figure this out…" Shikamaru trailed off before clearing his throat and taking a deep breath, "…You're some type of malevolent being, banished here, on earth, that has to grant to wishes in order to leave this realm. But, overtime, you have found yourself traversing the globe till finally you ended up in the leaf village, where, most likely, you were in the Hokage's tenure till someone carelessly let you out. Since then, you have been granting wishes to various people that contradict their original intents and more than likely, by the looks of your evil face, kills them; but, now you've stumbled into my home and plan on taking advantage of me, as you did your other victims, in order to take you one more wish to finally setting yourself free from this realm. Am I right?"

Thromnambular was astounded at Shikamaru's uncanny and almost supernatural analytical and deductive reasoning skills that made the young genin uncover all of Thromnambular's insidious plot with just a few keywords, "Well…well…aren't you smart? But will you really listen to the reasoning of knowledge and not the desires of your own heart?"

Shikamaru stared at Thromnambular, "You've been killing a lot of dumb people today, haven't you?"

Thromnambular frowned, "Crap."

Shikamaru then sighed, "Well, there's no use in keeping them all dead when I have a chance to bring them back…what a drag." The caustic genin spoke to himself before turning his attention back to Thromnambular, "Hey, listen up, you skull-thing, I've decided to make a wish after all."

Thromnambular grinned, "You have now proven the fact that when it come to self-centeredness, mortals are sure to crack."

Shikamaru smirked, "Oh yeah? Let's see about that. I wish that the last two wishes were mine."

Thromnambular jolted, "Wait one min-" He was cut off when his wish-making process involuntarily began, causing his eyes to glow but keeping the tattooed "2" mark on his head the same, in accordance with Shikamaru's wish.

"Hard to believe that nobody ever thought about that, huh?" Shikamaru grinned as he looked onto Thromnambular's scowling face.

"Yes, yes. You truly are a feat! Just state these last two wishes, one of them I'll be sure to beat!" Thromnambular replied.

Shikamaru nodded, "Alright, let's take another one then. For my first wish, I wish that all the other wishes made today were reversed."

Before Thromnambular could say anything, his wish-making process began and the tattoo on his head changed from a 2 to 1.

Meanwhile, outside the entrance doors of the leaf village's hospital, two ANBU BlackOps agents took a sigh of relief after tossing the last of numerous body bags, the latest belonging to certain boy-dog creature killed in the streets, into the hospital's morgue.

"Boy, a lot of people sure have been dying today. Hey Steve, you think maybe we should do something about this? After all, isn't it our job to do that kind of stuff when things like this happen?" One agent asked his fellow cohort.

"Yeah, maybe we should, Pete. Or maybe we should keep quiet and enjoy the rest of our day with a couple of beers down at the bar?" Steve replied indifferently.

"Eh…you're right…" Pete shrugged, "…but can we stop and kill that chinese kid that Gai was telling us about before we get there?" He asked as he and Steve began walking away.

Then, just moments after the two ANBU agents departed, the door of the hospital suddenly rushed open to reveal a revived Naruto, back in his original form, "Hey, I'm alive and young again. But where did that weird skull-thing, go!? I didn't learn my lesson the first time and need to make another wish!" He yelled before running off in an indiscriminate direction.

Sasuke, Sakura, Rock Lee, Tsunade, Kiba, and Akamaru slowly followed out the doors, after Naruto, with the same amount of astonishment on their faces over their sudden resurrection.

"Wow, if I'm alive, then…that must mean that Itachi is still alive, too! YEAAHHHH!" Sasuke yelled at the top of his lungs, "My life has meaning again! I LOVE HATING MY BROTHER!"

Sakura, who had been standing nearby, almost gagged herself at the first sight of Sasuke, "I can't believe that I was once in love with that sick, disgusting, revolting...yet sexy, handsome, attractive, cute, and—Sasuke, will you marry me!"

Tsunade, her body restored to original form, shook her head in pity as she witnessed the whole scene, "Kids are so stupid." She muttered.

"Hey Tsunade!" Jiraiya yelled, as he appeared from nowhere, "Where've you been today? I've been looking all over for ya! Man, did I mention that you're looking hot today?" He grinned. Tsunade, however, replied to Jiraiya with a two-piece combo that began with a strong kick to the groin and ended with a thunderous uppercut that sent the legendary ninja flying into the next village.

"Man, Akamaru, dying sure does make somebody need to go the bathroom, huh? I got to take a dump! How about you?" Kiba asked his faithful companion, who, in turn, replied with a bark. The two then made their way to a nearby fire hydrant, where, both prepared to relieve themselves. Kakashi, now free from the enticing power of his book, was walking gently down the sidewalk, near the area of the hospital, when he inadvertently came across Kiba, squatting beside a fire hydrant with his pants down, and his dog, Akamaru, standing nearby, preparing to take a number two.

He and Kiba both stared, in an awkward silence, at each other for about a good minute before the genin finally spoke up, "Hey, do you mind?"

Kakashi blinked one time, shrugged, and then continued his relaxed pace.

Rock Lee, however, found himself frowning as he took in the breath of life once again, "This stinks, I returned back to life just when Jesus was going to teach me the ultimate taijutsu move!"

Back at Shikamaru's house, the young genin smiled as he prepared to make his final wish, "You know what? I think I'll make it that this final wish not only benefit you but me, as well."

A disgruntled Thromnambular snorted at Shikamaru's statement, "Whatever boy, make your wish. The sooner you speak, the sooner my freedom comes quick; I'll give you all the time you need to develop your gist. No longer do I care for you to make any deadly mistake in it!"

Shikamaru then paused as he thought over his wish, "Okay…I got it. I wish that I was poor, lived in the worst place in the world, and had the ugliest girlfriend on the planet."

Thromnambular chuckled, "With this final wish, I am now set free. Enjoy your paradox boy and your new way of living!" Thromnambular yelled as the tattooed 1 on his forehead shifted to a 0 and his entire skull began to glow, causing Shikamaru to shut his eyes, as the light brightened, and increased in its volume till it finally swallowed up Shikamaru's body and the living room surrounding him.

(THE NEXT DAY)

With the threat of Thromnambular gone and his presence forever departed from the realm, the konoha village, and its residents, returned back to their peaceful ways of life. Its hero, Shikamaru, found himself loitering atop one of the leaf village's various street corners, while eating an apple during the day's sunny afternoon, when his fellow group teammate and friend, Choji, approached him.

"Hey Shikamaru, I heard you saved everyone from some evil, wish-granting, bone." Choji spoke between munches of the Cheetos he carried in his hands.

"It was a skull, Choji, and yes, I did save everyone." Shikamaru replied.

"Whatever." Choji shrugged then poured the rest of his Cheetos into his mouth, belching loudly afterwards, "Man…am I still hungry!" He moaned.

Shikamaru sighed at his friend's limitless gluttony before taking one last bite of his apple and throwing its chewed core to the ground.

"Hey Shikamaru, are you going to eat that!?" Choji cried, pointing to the chewed apple core on the dirty and dusty sidewalk.

Shikamaru gazed at his friend incredulously, "Choji…it's already been—"

"Thanks Shikamaru!" Choji interrupted excitedly before diving for the apple core and gorging upon its feeble remains. Licking his fingers, Choji then stood himself up to face Shikamaru, once again, "So, anyway Shikamaru…back to what I was (smack, smack) saying before. Shouldn't you have gotten a wish that came true, as well?"

"Eh, I did, Choji, its just—wait…is that a Snickers bar in your hand?" Shikamaru asked, noticing Choji pull out the popular candy bar from his pocket.

Choji nodded, "Yeah, I forgot that I kept this in my pocket last week. You know, these things taste real good when they're fried in hot oil and then basted with butter and honey." He smiled while unwrapping his Snickers bar.

Shikamaru shook his head, "Anyway, like I was saying…I got a wish and it came true. As a matter-of-fact…" Shikamaru trailed off to peer at his wristwatch, "…it should be arriving just about…now!"

Simultaneously, a sleek, black, Rolls Royce Phantom rode slowly into both Shikamaru and Choji's view, from beyond the street horizon, and stopped at the street corner, where the two genin stood. The driver's seat opened and an elderly man, dressed in a driver's uniform, stepped out to stand before Shikamaru, "Master Shikamaru, I am your new butler, Mr. Bentley Worthington, or, as you may call me, Worthington. I have arrived to take you to your 120,000 acre mansion in Beverly Hills and your girlfriend, Miss Halle Kardashian-Alba, awaits you in the backseat."

Shikamaru smiled as he patted the back of his stunned, jaw-dropped, friend, Choji, "Well, looks like this is goodbye, buddy. But don't worry, I'll visit every so often on the holidays; mmm...maybe not. But I'll definitely call."

At that, Shikamaru walked up and entered the backseat door that Worthington had personally opened, giving Choji a full-view of the immediate embrace that Shikamaru received, upon entrance, from his new and beautiful girlfriend, who, was a fusion of three women. Worthington, however, shut the door on the scene, before Choji could see anything further, and then made his way to the driver's seat, where, he closed his own door, restarted up the engine, and drove the luxury car into the distance.

Choji, however, stood alone at the street corner, saddened at his friend's departure till a young female child, carrying a double-scoop ice cream cone, was passing by and accidentally dropped her second scoop on the sidewalk. "Hey…!" Choji's eyes lit up "…are you going to eat that!?"

THE END


	2. Promo Page

**PROMO PAGE**

If you enjoyed "The Wishing Skull" then check out other stories written by me, Nameless Dude:

**A Grim Adventure to Mortal Kombat **

**Broly Meets the Teen Titans**

**A Very Dragonball Z Christmas**

**Krillin's High School Diaries**

Be sure to search for these stories in the website search engine, as they are somewhat old and have been pushed down in rank, to near oblivion, by the massive tons of other stories.

Appreciate Your Consideration,

Nameless Dude


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